Recapturing Confidence: Rose

Rose has returned to diet counseling after having been away for two and a half months, dealing with a family crisis. She regained 5 of the 21 pounds she originally lost. She can’t wait to lose the 5 pounds again, predicting that she won’t feel good about herself until she does. We discussed with Rose that what shows up on the scale is just a number and that part of her feeling so good before was not only feeling thinner but also feeling confident and in control. We decided that it would be good for Rose to immediately recapture the confidence she had three months ago. We made a list of all the things she had been doing but is no longer doing, or no longer consistently doing.  In this spirit, Rose is going back to the basics. She has committed to reading her Advantages List and other response cards at least twice a day every day and she’s also going to go back and reread sections from The Beck Diet Solution.  Although she has returned to making food plans, this week she’s going to start measuring her food again to ensure that her portion size hasn’t crept up and she’s committed to at least a five minute walk every day.  Finally, Rose is going to try to give herself credit for all the dozens of small things she’s doing right every day to raise her awareness of how well she is doing. 

With these strategies in place, Rose is already feeling more confident and in control, even though she’s five pounds heavier. 

Gym Reluctance

Our dieter Lucinda really wanted to start taking a yoga class but was extremely fearful that she would be judged negatively by both the instructor and the other people in the class.  Lucinda is not alone in this fear.  In fact, a number of our dieters have told us that they’re reluctant to go to the gym because they’re afraid that other gym-goers will view them disapprovingly.  We’re working hard with Lucinda and others to combat their reluctance because we think it’s essential for dieters to get over their fear of other people’s judgments.

We don’t want to mislead dieters. If they have a lot of weight to lose, some people may indeed make negative judgments about them, but what dieters don’t realize is that these thoughts are likely to be fleeting—in people’s consciousness for milliseconds—and then they’re on to thinking about something else. In reality, most people at the gym are really just focused on themselves.  They are there with a clear purpose and a routine, and for the most part, they’re paying attention to their workout–not to everyone around them.  In fact, many gym-goers view the gym as “me time” – a clear period of time where they don’t have to focus on anyone but themselves. 

We help our dieters develop a “so what,” attitude. “So what if some people make these superficial judgments about me? I’m going to do what I need to do to reach my goals.” Our dieters have been able to generalize this idea to a variety of non-weight related situations, too: “So what if people….don’t agree with my opinion/think I’m too spirited/don’t like what I wear.” Getting over their fear of the gym is often an important first step for our dieters in reducing their fear of other people’s reactions in many other life situations.

With this, “so what,” attitude in mind, Lucinda went to her first yoga class last week, and told us she was thrilled she had done so.  She reported back that the instructor was very kind and encouraging, and she didn’t feel out of place in class.  Lucinda is excited to start going to yoga weekly and is very happy she didn’t let her initial reluctance stand in the way of achieving her goals. 

Just Do It!

One of our new dieters, Sarah, had to go on a week-long trip because her two kids were competing in a roller derby competition.  During class Sarah reported feeling nervous that she might end up gaining weight while on the trip because she wouldn’t really have opportunities to exercise.  We brainstormed with Sarah ideas for how and when she could fit some exercise in.  We first asked her if her kids would be competing all day, every day, or if there would be some down time during the day that she might be able to at least squeeze a few minutes of exercise in.  After all, we reminded her, five minutes of exercise is better than zero minutes! (discussed on Day 9 of The Beck Diet Solution).  Sarah acknowledged that her kids weren’t competing all day, and that there was actually a running track conveniently located just a couple of minutes from the roller rink.  We then asked her what would get in the way of her slipping out for a little while each day to get some walking in, and Sarah admitted that what was holding her back was her reluctance to wear sneakers and shorts in public. 

We’ve found that feeling self-conscious or embarrassed is a common problem for many dieters, particularly women, and they avoid a number of physical activities in which they would expose their body. We helped Sarah see that most people, if they noticed or thought about her at all, would only have a fleeting thought and then go on to think about other things. Some might even have a positive thought—“Good for her for exercising.” If they had a negative thought, though, what did it really matter? They weren’t important in her life. Another dieter in the class had a great suggestion, too, to ask another mom at the competition to walk with her, so she’d have company and feel less conspicuous.

Armed with a plan, Sarah walked several days during the week, stuck to her diet, and lost two pounds. Perhaps more importantly, she changed her ideas, became less self-conscious, and is now resolved not to let embarrassment stand in her way in the future.

Is It Worth It?

One of our dieters, Andrea, has been doing extremely well lately.  She’s been working out hard at the gym, following her diet faithfully, and really working on all of the skills in The Beck Diet Solution.  She has lost 40 pounds over the course of five months and is absolutely thrilled with her new body.

We were talking with Andrea this week about her sister’s upcoming visit, which she was eagerly anticipating.  In the past, Andrea has had a somewhat troubled relationship with her sister, who was always been thin and has made some negative comments to Andrea about her weight.  Andrea reported that her sister knew she’d been “working out” but has no idea about how much Andrea has truly transformed her body and attitude in the past few months and she is really looking forward to shocking her sister with her weight loss.

We took time this week to help prepare Andrea for two possible scenarios of her sister’s visit: either her sister will be complimentary, or she might have a different reaction.   While it would be wonderful if Andrea’s sister expresses nothing but delight, it’s possible that she could say something negative (“You know, it might not last.” “You really should lose more.” “I thought you’d look better than you do.”)  We reminded Andrea that she has been looking and feeling great, and nothing her sister might say can take away from the amazing accomplishment of reaching her goal.   We also reminded her to list the names of all the people who have said complimentary things to her and to look at this list to counteract her sister’s words, if she says anything unkind.

Priorities: Maria

One skill that Maria has gotten very good at is putting herself first – making sure that she continually has the time and energy for diet and exercise (discussed on Day 8 of The Beck Diet Solution).  For Maria this particularly means making sure she keeps exercise a priority.  In the past, when her life got busy, exercise was always the first thing to fall off her plate. 

Maria exercises on a machine at home. When her kids interrupted her exercise in the past, she would always drop what she was doing and tend to them.  Now she tells them to wait until she’s done and then she helps them.  After dinner, if she’s already exercised, Maria may watch television with her husband. But if she hasn’t exercised yet, she nicely refuses to join him until she has finished.  Now she feels entitled to get her activities done first. 

Building this sense of entitlement is crucial to lasting weight loss because life always gets busy and things always come up.  If dieters don’t learn to put themselves first and ensure that they continually make diet and exercise a high priority, other factors will always get in the way of their best efforts.  Maria now knows that she is entitled to exercise because she deserves to be thinner and feel good about herself, and she is a good example for all of us. 

Dealing with a Plateau: Diana

Diana’s weight loss had reached a plateau for quite a while. We discussed with Diana the fact that this often happens to dieters as they’re losing weight. Initially they are able to lose a certain amount given the number of calories they are taking in versus the number they are expending.  But as they lose weight, their bodies require fewer calories. Many dieters, if they do not continue to decrease their calorie consumption (or increase their exercise), find that their weight loss stagnates (discussed on Day 38 of The Beck Diet Solution).  When this happens, it’s very easy for them to become discouraged (Day 24) and blame themselves, thinking they just can’t lose weight.

Diana recently decided to cut her calories a little and increase her exercise a little to see what happens. She recognized that enough time has gone by—and her weight hadn’t budged. She sees that it’s wishful thinking to expect that she’ll suddenly begin to lose weight again without doing anything differently. She’s disappointed that she has to eat less, but she’s realistic. If she wants her weight loss to continue, she has to make some changes.  Diana has since decreased her number of calories and is making an effort to take lunchtime walks.  She reports that her pants already feel looser.