Wait on Your Weight Goal

 

A new dieter, Alan, consulted me this week. He weighs 265 pounds and is 5’6”. He would like to weigh 100 pounds less. “It’s a mistake,” I told him, “to set a big goal like that. First, we really don’t know whether 165 pounds is a reasonable weight for you to get down to and maintain. Second, it’s too far away.” Alan immediately became discouraged and we had the following discussion (see pages 113-114 of the Beck Diet Solution).

 

Alan: But that was my weight 18 years ago. Why can’t I try for it again?”

 

Dr. Beck: Can I give you an analogy? You have a ten year old daughter, right? What if your daughter came to you and said, ‘Dad, I want to become a nationally ranked gymnast.’ Would you say, “Hey, that’s a great goal!”

 

Alan: No.

 

Dr. Beck: Why not?

 

Alan: Because I don’t think she has the genetics for it. She’s a big girl.

 

Dr. Beck: Any other reasons?

 

Alan: I wouldn’t want her to set her sights on something unreasonable and then feel badly when she couldn’t do it.

 

Dr. Beck: But what if she likes gymnastics? Do you think she shouldn’t pursue it at all?

 

Alan: No, but…..I guess I’d want her to just have fun doing it—and not try for something too hard.

 

Dr. Beck: Well, it’s the same with weight loss. I have no doubt that you can lose weight if you learn the skills you need, but I don’t know now how much weight you can lose. It’s not entirely under your control. I don’t know how big your natural appetite is, how fast your metabolism is, what your lifestyle is like, how much exercise you do consistently, what your favorite foods are, how much access you have to selecting your food, how much stress you’re under, how much time and energy you have for dieting, and so forth.

 

Alan: Oh.

 

Dr. Beck: You know, most people think, “I should just be able to set a weight loss goal and achieve it.” But like gymnastics, certain factors aren’t completely under people’s control. Now it’s possible that you can lose 100 pounds. It’s also possible that you could maintain your 100 pound weight loss. But to be honest with you, it’s not likely…..For one thing, you don’t have the same metabolism as you did 18 years ago….Now does that mean you shouldn’t try at all?

 

Alan: I guess not.

 

Dr. Beck: So are you willing to set a goal just to lose five pounds? When you do, you’ll celebrate and then you can see whether it’s reasonable to set a goal to lose another five pounds, and so on. How does that sound?

 

Alan: Okay, I guess.

 

Dr. Beck: I know, I know, it’s disappointing. I think the media usually makes it sound as if people can lose as much as they want, that they can override their biology. I can help people overcome their psychology, help them stick to an eating plan that’s reasonable for them, but biology is another matter. And I’d rather have you set your sights lower now, even if it’s disappointing, than have an unreasonable goal that you can’t achieve and get so disappointed later that you gain back whatever weight you lose.

 

Alan: Fair enough.

 

I hope this dose of realism doesn’t dissuade Alan from trying the cognitive behavioral approach. If it does, he may try another approach and end up back in my office within a year or two. Sometimes people just have to give other things a try before they’re ready to settle down and be realistic.

Dieters Need a Complete Diet for Life

I’ve been bombarded with questions about how my new book, The Complete Beck Diet for Life, is different from my first diet book, which did not contain a diet (eating plan) but did contain a six-week program to teach people how to diet. Most obvious is that the new book has a healthy eating plan that is flexible and enjoyable so people can modify it and stay on it for life.

Why did I include a diet? After publication of the first book, I received a couple of thousand emails and read a couple of thousand postings from online support communities who were following the program. I found that a cognitive behavioral approach just wasn’t enough. Although I urged people to find a healthy, well-balanced, nutritious diet, I found that people weren’t following that advice. They were choosing fad diets, unbalanced diets, diets that didn’t include their favorite foods, diets that allowed them to skip breakfast, diets that incorporated way too many carbs (and not enough foods to satiate their hunger), diets that were unnecessarily restrictive in choices or provided too few calories. Inevitably, dieters would stray from their eating plan, gain weight, get discouraged, and give up—then, after a few days or months, would try again with another inadvisable diet, and the cycle continued.

I also found out that many dieters should ease into making changes in their food intake, for example, changing just one meal at a time. They need to be guided in modifying a basic eating plan so it suits their tastes and lifestyles. They need to learn how to handle challenging eating situations where they don’t have control over the food that’s available or where others are pushing food on them. They especially need to learn exactly what to do when it’s not time to eat but they’re experiencing hunger, cravings, or want to soothe their distress with food.

In short, to be successful, dieters needed a complete program for weight loss, that incorporates a psychological approach (e.g., what to do when you’re feeling discouraged, disappointed, or deprived), dieting skills, an enjoyable eating plan, and techniques for keeping motivated for life. Most people think that just following a diet will be enough. I had previously thought that just learning essential skills was enough. But now it’s apparent—you need both.

Taking the Full Dose

Our relatively new dieter, Tammy, came in this week and reported that she’s been feeling reluctant to do several of the tasks in The Beck Diet Solution program.  She said that the tasks just don’t feel relevant to her and she doesn’t see the necessity of doing them.

This is something we hear from dieters from time to time: they don’t think certain tasks are necessary, they don’t want to expend the time and energy needed to do the tasks, they don’t feel like doing them, they don’t think they need to learn those particular skills, or they are actually scared to try. We tell these dieters the same thing we told Tammy: the fact is we don’t have a crystal ball. (Then again, neither does Tammy.) And it is possible that Tammy can lose weight without doing all the tasks, but who knows what the future will bring?  It’s quite possible that a task Tammy is avoiding now will actually be something she vitally needs in five or ten years. If she doesn’t learn the skills now, we predict she may have a difficult time maintaining her weight loss. We always tell our dieters that we’re not interested in helping them lose weight—we’re only interested in helping them lose weight and keep it off!

We then asked Tammy to consider what she would do if she had a bacterial infection and her doctor prescribed her a course of antibiotics.  Tammy knows that if she wants to recover, she wouldn’t only take half of the medication prescribed; she would obviously take the full dose.  It’s the same thing with The Beck Diet Solution program.  Tammy needs to do all the tasks because otherwise she’s not taking the full dose and can’t expect the program to work properly. 

Here’s another way to look at it: If Tammy had a very bad headache, she wouldn’t take a quarter of an aspirin; she would take the full pill to maximize the chance that her headache would go away.  So, too, with the BDS program – again, she needs to take the full dose if she wants to be successful. 

With these thoughts in mind, Tammy realized the importance of doing all the tasks in the program and has a new resolve to do everything she can to take the full dose, because she is absolutely determined to finally be successful in losing weight and maintaining the loss. 

Recapturing Confidence: Rose

Rose has returned to diet counseling after having been away for two and a half months, dealing with a family crisis. She regained 5 of the 21 pounds she originally lost. She can’t wait to lose the 5 pounds again, predicting that she won’t feel good about herself until she does. We discussed with Rose that what shows up on the scale is just a number and that part of her feeling so good before was not only feeling thinner but also feeling confident and in control. We decided that it would be good for Rose to immediately recapture the confidence she had three months ago. We made a list of all the things she had been doing but is no longer doing, or no longer consistently doing.  In this spirit, Rose is going back to the basics. She has committed to reading her Advantages List and other response cards at least twice a day every day and she’s also going to go back and reread sections from The Beck Diet Solution.  Although she has returned to making food plans, this week she’s going to start measuring her food again to ensure that her portion size hasn’t crept up and she’s committed to at least a five minute walk every day.  Finally, Rose is going to try to give herself credit for all the dozens of small things she’s doing right every day to raise her awareness of how well she is doing. 

With these strategies in place, Rose is already feeling more confident and in control, even though she’s five pounds heavier. 

Expect the Tough Times

One of our dieters, Rose, has lately been having a tougher time sticking to her diet and exercise plan.  She’s about 2 ½ months into her diet and for the first time is really starting to struggle.  For the first two months things were relatively easy for Rose – her motivation was high, she was losing weight, and generally nothing was too difficult.  But a couple of months in and her motivation started to flag, her rate of weight loss slowed down slightly, and Rose suddenly found herself having to exert a lot more effort to stick to her plan.  Rose was extremely worried that things would continue to be really difficult and was having strong doubts as to whether or not she could really keep this up.

The first thing we did for Rose was to normalize her situation and tell her that this is exactly what happens to everyone.  No one, not a single dieter that we’ve worked with, has had a consistently steady and easy weight loss.  Every single one has experienced exactly what is now happening to Rose – in the beginning it’s easy, and then at a certain point things get harder for a period of time. But the good news is, they always get easier again.  And although hard times will continue to crop up, they do become fewer and farther between as dieters go along.  But dieters really need to know ahead of time that the high motivation and ease of loss that they experience in the beginning of a diet won’t last, that they will definitely encounter a harder time, and that the hard time will also pass.  If dieters aren’t prepared in advance for these hard times then when they come up they’re likely to get very discouraged and are at risk for abandoning their diet altogether.  

We discussed with Rose the fact that she needs to think about the bigger picture.  Things were easier for a while, then they became harder, but they will absolutely get easier again.  We also helped her put her week in perspective.  Rose initially said that she had a “really tough” week.  We asked her if every hour of every day was difficult, and she said no.  We then asked her if even most hours most days were difficult, and again she said no. On further reflection, Rose realized that all in all, she probably had struggled, at most, for a couple of hours several days, but had let the tougher times tinge her memory of the whole week.  Once she was able to put her situation in perspective, Rose realized that a momentary struggle was definitely not a good reason to abandon her diet, and like everyone else who is ultimately successful, she just has to plow through until the difficulty lifts.  We also reminded her that this is not the last hard time she will encounter, but Rose now feels much more confident that she can deal with the next one when it arises.

“If I hadn’t joined the group…”

We asked our diet group to complete the sentence, “If I hadn’t joined the group…” Here’s what they have to say about how the group, The Beck Diet Solution, and the techniques of Cognitive Therapy have helped them.

If I hadn’t joined the group…

Maria: “I would most likely have serious health problems and still would have been more than 44lbs heavier than I am today. I was becoming an introvert; I didn’t want anyone to see how fat I had become.”

Diana: “I would have gained 25 pounds.”

Brenda: “I would continue to try other fad diets and ultimately fail because I would not have learned behavior that would enable me to make conscious lifelong changes in my eating habits.”

Linda: “I would probably still be eating cheese steaks and chips and stopping by a fast food drive-thrus.”

Charlotte: “I would have continued putting on ~2 pounds/year for the rest of my life.”

Carolyn: “As a result of your weight loss group I have learned to take an active role in applying the following key words to my life: Decision – I have made a life-time decision to make positive food planning choices; Choice – I have learned that hunger is not an emergency and that I must practice “No Choice” on a daily basis; Lifestyle – Proper eating habits should be practiced as a way of lifefor the rest of my life; Maintain – Maintaining is worth the perpetual outcome it brings.  If I had not attended your weight loss group I really don’t believe that I would have the positive mind set that I have today. The phrase “Mind Set” being key.”

Welcome!

Welcome to the Beck Diet Solution Dieters Blog!  I’m Debbie Busis.  Dr. Judith Beck and I run a weight loss group, based on The Beck Diet Solution (BDS) every Monday at lunchtime. This group has eleven women and you’ll meet all of them as time goes on in this blog. The women have been learning the techniques of the BDS program and have been steadily losing weight, most of them between ½ to 1 1/2 pounds per week. Two of the women have now lost over 30 pounds! All of them have been on multiple diets throughout their adult lives. Whenever they lost weight in the past, however, they always gained it back.

The women are confident that this time will be different, though, because in addition to learning how to change their eating behavior, they’re learning how to change their thinking.  Each week our weight loss group learns or reviews new behavioral and thinking skills and shares their successes and their difficulties. It’s a wonderful group! We’re so proud of how everyone is doing.

We hope you’ll visit this blog every few days to see stories and updates about the wonderful women in our weight loss group—and to learn how the techniques in the BDS can help you lose weight and keep it off permanently.

***For more information about The Beck Diet Solution, please see www.beckdietsolution.com.***

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